Closer to 40 Than 35: Adulting Through Doubt

I used to be "the young one."
"Is she old enough?" they'd ask,
A 19-year-old auditing what they’d been doing for 30 years.

Later, I’d hear, "Wow, you’re lucky to have this job at your age."
Lucky. A word that stuck with me,
A voice of doubt I couldn’t shake.
Was I here by accident, or did I deserve this?
Most days, I wasn’t sure,
But I kept going anyway… doing it scared.

The first grey hairs appeared in my late twenties—
A quiet symbol of wisdom, earned by pushing past the fear.
I didn’t have a clear plan for my career,
But I chased opportunities that didn’t feel like they were mine to take.
Every challenge, every moment of doubt,
Taught me something and brought me to where I am now.

Then came motherhood—and with it, even more moments of doubt.
Was this adulting? I wondered.
The weight of responsibility was heavy,
But I kept showing up, even when it didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing.
11 Years and 3 kids in, I’m still doing it scared,
Still questioning if I’m getting it right.
But maybe that’s the point of it all… growing through the fear.

Now, closer to 40 than 35,
Closer to 50 than 25,
I still feel like I’m figuring it out.
But maybe that’s what growth really is…
Not about waiting for certainty,
But about taking the next step even when you’re not sure.

Sixteen years since graduation,
I see the value in pushing through the doubt.
The lessons weren’t in having all the answers,
But in showing up, failing, and trying again.
It wasn’t luck; it was learning,
Even when I didn’t feel qualified.

So here’s to the grey hairs,
To the moments of doubt that pushed me forward,
To doing things scared,
And to whatever comes next.